Warrior's Prayer
by emilocodo
Summary: Oneshot fic. Wesley's POV as he is dying. Please R&R!


**Disclaimer: **I own none of these characters. That privilege belongs to the evil, evil genius by the name of Joss Whedon. Some dialogue in here is directly from the episode 'Not Fade Away'.

* * *

"Yes…I suppose we will."

Pain blossoms deep down in my stomach, sending fiery tendrils of agony screaming into my soul. The knife moves, or at least my rebelling mind thinks it does. I stare dumbly into the demonic eyes of Cyvus Vail, my target…my killer. I am shocked to find them burning with hatred, but not for me. Hatred for my mentor. Hatred for Angel. My downfall brings him no pleasure or satisfaction, I am just one more victim on the road to achieving a greater purpose. Even through my veil of anguish, this invokes my anger. My fury burns, until it all but engulfs me. I cry out at a fresh new agony, it feels as though something inside of me has been torn loose and exposed to the world.

She comes, the woman who is but an effigy, a parody of my eternal love. I hear her as if from a great distance away.

"Would you like me to lie to you now?"

The rational part of my brain calmly observes that it is but illusion, that Fred is gone. But my traitor mouth says, "Yes…thankyou…yes."

She kisses me, tears streaming down her face, and whispers, "It's gonna be OK. It won't hurt much longer, then you'll be where I am. We'll be together."

I know it's a lie. Fred is gone, everything she was burnt up by the fire that was Illyria. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters. I know that I can't fight anymore, that I won't be meeting Angel in the alley behind the hotel. I know that I will never hear my father say that he is proud of me, and I will never be able to apologise to my friends for the things I've done.

Sweet, gentle Fred. I want to tell her that I love her, that I'm not afraid. I want to be as brave as she was when she lay dying in my arms. But my lips form the words clumsily, unintelligibly. I start to slip away, and the functioning part of my mind realises that Illyria, God-King of the Primordium, cries genuine tears for me.

"I-I love you," I whisper with my last breath.

A wave of calm comes over me, gently washing away the agony and terror. I finally give myself what my life has been void of for so long. Forgiveness. I die with the warrior's prayer on my lips. "Yes."

* * *

I stand outside my body, watching Illyria. Her face is beautiful with tears and grief. "Hello, lover,"says a familiar voice behind me. I turn, and see Lilah Morgan studying me, a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth. She is more lovely than ever, but there is something in her eyes that was never there before. She is haunted. 

"You should be burning in hell," I whisper.

"Well, and here I was thinking you'd be glad to see me," she replies, raising an eyebrow. Her face sobers. "After all I've done for them, the firm couldn't deny me this one last favour. I had to come…"

"Thankyou. It's good to see you again, Lilah. I've…missed you."

She gestures at a tunnel, gushing with white light. "It's just through there. Heaven, I mean."

I gaze at her beautiful, slender form. "Well, shall we…?" I know in my heart that this is one road she can't follow me down. But I have to try.

She looks into my eyes, now openly weeping. "That's your journey, not mine,"

My heart shatters all over again. I tried so hard, but I couldn't save her. I couldn't save her from the horror that was Wolfram and Hart. The worst part is, she knew what was happening. She knew that it would consume her. She killed herself, by degrees, and I couldn't save her. I stride over to the white tunnel, preparing myself for the incredible journey.

"Wait! Wait. Before you go, there's something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you when it mattered. I would have loved you, Wesley. If I could have. Sometimes I nearly thought I did. But there was too much evil in my soul. Long before I met you."

The tunnel begins to pull me in. I struggle to get my last words out, before it's too late, before I'm gone. "I'm sorry, Lilah. I tried. I tried to save you from yourself. I did love you, you know. Once upon a time."

Everything fades to white.


End file.
